Thoughts about the Carly situation.

I have not updated in a while due to the fact I am not really sure what to say.

We have Carly on another term position until May 1st. Carly turns one year on April 25. This is a concern to us because we told CFS that we did not want to foster long term. Not that we don't want to help BUT that our hearts could not handle having her for a year and then handing her back.

At this point Carly's mom has ran away three or four times since the beginning of our time with Carly, BUT she is back on track yet again and CFS has nothing to say but very positive things about her and how great she is and on and on.

Although we are happy that she has chosen a good path in life at this point we are very realistic about it all. She has not stayed on track for more than three months before. If she does at this point CFS says that she will have a good chance at getting Carly back.

At what point are we going to have an end to all of this madness? At what point do they stop and think of Carly? Carly has now been in our home for a total of 6 months and will continue to be for sure until May 1st (10 months).

Carly has become completely attached to us and we with her. I can not go anywhere in our apartment with out her tailing behind and she now calls Shawn "DA DA" the second word she learned.

I cannot tell you how many sleepless nights I have had crying out to God about this. I know that we were called to do this. I know it is what God wanted us to do, but what I am not understanding is how come even though we were faithful in doing so, we still need to go through hell until we finally know what will happen.

I think of people who do this all the time and wonder how they can handle it. I guess our situation is a little different because we went into this thinking and being told that after three months if Carly's mom was not on track we would be able to adopt.

I admire those that can foster full time. I on the other hand decided that I am so not the type of person that could do this over and over again. My heart bleeds for children who are lost in the system. It bleeds for those who have been placed in homes that are so loving and safe but get ripped out and given back to an unstable family.

I understand the importance of giving the biological parents a chance but after six months of chances and constant failing is it still better for the child in question to keep being used as a pawn for good behaviour?

This is the thing. Shawn and I LOVE CARLY like she is our own. We ALWAYS put Carly's well being in front of our own. How many times does the biological mother get to put her well being in front of her own child's before CFS figures out that She is not ready to parent nor will she ever be ready to parent this child.

This blog seems harsh but it is MY heart right now. I am not sure how to pray about this any more and I even feel guilty telling everyone about it because I feel as though maybe Shawn and I are being selfish.

Please join with us in praying for what is best for Carly and if in the end it is best for her to be with her bio-mom then please help us pray for our hearts. This will be a HUGE thing for us and I am praying that we can recover.

We keep reminding each other that this is what God has called us to do. I know he has a big plan, it is just very VERY hard to see at the moment. We need to have more faith.

Faith it is a hard thing........

Thank you all for understanding where we are at.

I hope no one gets offended by how frank I am when I talk about this situation but I have to be real.. and this is what I am feeling.


That is all for now......