I have to say, I have never had kids before but Carly is one gifted girl.
I am not sure where they are supposed to be at depending on age and all but I never expected at six months that our little girl would be not only crawling but pulling herself up and walking along our couch.
SIX MONTHS....it seems extreme but hey what do I know.
Though I would share because I am proud of our little girl.
She is a beauty!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Shawn
There are few things in our life right now that seem to be going right but I have to tell you that I am so in love with my husband.
Sometimes lately it seems we only have time to be more roommates than husband and wife but I am constantly amazed at his strength. Not for one moment does he stop and think about himself. Not for one moment does he just say okay leave me alone I need to be me for a minute he is constantly seeing if I am okay or his siblings are okay and the list goes on.
I am constantly reminding him that he is allowed to feel however he wants right now. That he is allowed to push us all aside and think of himself but he doesn’t. I am not sure that if I had to watch my mom dying in a hospital bed everyday I would be able to focus on anything but myself but somehow he does.
I am so honoured to be his wife.
I am more in love with him every day that I wake up than I was when I went to bed the night before. He is a good reminder that there are still decent faithful people in this world.
My prayer is that I can be the kind of wife that he deserves. I want to be able to lift him up and make him laugh, when he laughs at my jokes I feel important and when he wraps his arms around me I feel safe.
How did I ever get so lucky.
I am so privileged that amongst all the chaos I have a husband that provides a calm steadiness in my life.
I can tell you when I woke up this morning that I didn’t really want to get out of bed. Facing life right now has been the toughest thing I have had to do in my life, but being able to face it with someone I love and I know who loves me makes it worth getting out of bed.
Thank you Jesus for reminding me today that I am not alone and that I have an incredible man to walk beside.
Friday, October 23, 2009
An Update
So just thought I would update you all on what is happening with us.
Shawn’s mom is in the hospital, she has been sick for quite awhile…..She found out that she had stage four cervical cancer about two years ago the cancer spread to her lungs and then she had surgery to remove the cancer from her lungs and radiation on her cervix. We were told that she was cancer free last year and were very excited.
This year the cancer returned. It has now spread to the point of no treatment. She has been in the hospital for almost two weeks now and is very weak. She has entered the palliative care program but we are not certain whether she will be moved to a nursing home or just stay in the hospital. At this point she is not communicating very well and only sometimes recognizes us.
We are preparing ourselves for the worst as we know it is on its way. We have been to the hospital every night for two or three hours spending time with her and talking with doctors.
Shawn is doing okay. He is very angry at the moment which he is allowed to be. I am having hard time trying to figure out how to be there for him. I am a talker (I know that comes as a surprise to most of you but I am)…. I am finding that I just need to shut my mouth, nothing I say can bring Shawn’s mom back to better health, I often find myself sitting feeling helpless watching my husband go through the hardest time in his life and not being able to do anything about it.
As for Carly I think that we actually have good news this time.
CFS called us and said that they are tired of Carly’s mom’s games so they are taking her as a permanent ward and they are sending an adoption agent to come and see us and to go over a few things with us.
So that sounds positive I am going to keep my head up and hopefully they will follow through with what they say this time. We are trying not to get our hopes up as they have said this before and not followed through with it but a small glimpse of hope is always good.
We are trying not to stress ourselves out over the little things like money and stuff but when we are going to have to pay for an adoption and a funeral all around the same time it is very hard but God has provided for us before so I am sure he will again.
Anyway, Thank you all for your support thus far It always feels like I am complaining on this blog. I never meant to have the blog so I could complain it was more for keeping in touch but I suppose I will have great news to post one day once we get past all this tough stuff.
Shawn’s mom is in the hospital, she has been sick for quite awhile…..She found out that she had stage four cervical cancer about two years ago the cancer spread to her lungs and then she had surgery to remove the cancer from her lungs and radiation on her cervix. We were told that she was cancer free last year and were very excited.
This year the cancer returned. It has now spread to the point of no treatment. She has been in the hospital for almost two weeks now and is very weak. She has entered the palliative care program but we are not certain whether she will be moved to a nursing home or just stay in the hospital. At this point she is not communicating very well and only sometimes recognizes us.
We are preparing ourselves for the worst as we know it is on its way. We have been to the hospital every night for two or three hours spending time with her and talking with doctors.
Shawn is doing okay. He is very angry at the moment which he is allowed to be. I am having hard time trying to figure out how to be there for him. I am a talker (I know that comes as a surprise to most of you but I am)…. I am finding that I just need to shut my mouth, nothing I say can bring Shawn’s mom back to better health, I often find myself sitting feeling helpless watching my husband go through the hardest time in his life and not being able to do anything about it.
As for Carly I think that we actually have good news this time.
CFS called us and said that they are tired of Carly’s mom’s games so they are taking her as a permanent ward and they are sending an adoption agent to come and see us and to go over a few things with us.
So that sounds positive I am going to keep my head up and hopefully they will follow through with what they say this time. We are trying not to get our hopes up as they have said this before and not followed through with it but a small glimpse of hope is always good.
We are trying not to stress ourselves out over the little things like money and stuff but when we are going to have to pay for an adoption and a funeral all around the same time it is very hard but God has provided for us before so I am sure he will again.
Anyway, Thank you all for your support thus far It always feels like I am complaining on this blog. I never meant to have the blog so I could complain it was more for keeping in touch but I suppose I will have great news to post one day once we get past all this tough stuff.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Just another day on this emotional roller costar…….
Got a call from Carly’s social worker, once again her mom is back and saying she wants Carly again. Saying she screwed up and wants help.
So needless to say the system wants to give her yet another chance. So they are no longer going to go for a permanent ward placement but they are going for another three month extension.
I am not sure what else to write as I am pretty much done. I have been spending the week in the hospital with Shawn’s mom and dealing CFS…… WE ARE STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!
I was asked today whether or not I am re thinking whether or not we should have taken Carly and the answer is HELL NO haahaa I am still so happy that I get to spend time with this incredible little girl, but I am getting really sick of the system. I mean, I already have been but I think I am about done dealing with them. I have to take a back seat and let God do the rest which I have been trying to do but Man……..This time I am DONE.
I am rambling because I am in shock but just another prayer request. Carly needs a safe home, and it is very apparent to me and to most people that Carly’s mom cannot provide that for her, she cannot even provide a safe place for herself.
How much more can we handle..............God surely knows we are at our end.....right????
That’s all I got…….
So needless to say the system wants to give her yet another chance. So they are no longer going to go for a permanent ward placement but they are going for another three month extension.
I am not sure what else to write as I am pretty much done. I have been spending the week in the hospital with Shawn’s mom and dealing CFS…… WE ARE STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!
I was asked today whether or not I am re thinking whether or not we should have taken Carly and the answer is HELL NO haahaa I am still so happy that I get to spend time with this incredible little girl, but I am getting really sick of the system. I mean, I already have been but I think I am about done dealing with them. I have to take a back seat and let God do the rest which I have been trying to do but Man……..This time I am DONE.
I am rambling because I am in shock but just another prayer request. Carly needs a safe home, and it is very apparent to me and to most people that Carly’s mom cannot provide that for her, she cannot even provide a safe place for herself.
How much more can we handle..............God surely knows we are at our end.....right????
That’s all I got…….
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Where to Start............
Last week we were told that Carly’s mom was making good progress and that Child and Family Services were moving forward with placing Carly back with her by Christmas time.
First of all I was devastated but I figured you know she has to prove herself for another two months before having her back. I know being sixteen and having to make adult decisions can’t be the easiest I know I would not have been ready at sixteen, so I was kind of happy to see her step up and try.
The thing that I was most concerned about was how she is going to last with full time motherhood. I have only been doing this for three months I am quickly learning what a HUGE job it is being a mom, although I have also quickly learned that I am SOOOO in love with it!!!!
Today, I got a phone call from Carly’s social worker saying that Carly’s mom had run away again. They have no idea where she is and they can only assume that she is back on drugs again.
Now our three months original place of safety is up on October 27th. This is when they will go back to court to take Carly as a permanent ward of Child and Family Services. Once this goes through/ hopefully goes through Shawn and I are able to apply for adoption.
Although instantly we have our hopes up and are running and jumping with joy we still have a LONG road ahead.
BUT GOD SURE DOES ANSWER PRAYERS!!!!!!!!
I am so thankful to all of you who have prayed so hard for us over the last few months and those of you who I know will continually pray for us.
I am continuing to pray that we will be able to adopt her and that I will be able to tell her one day about all the people who prayed for her when she was younger! What a blessing you all have been to us.
Yesterday Shawn’s mom ended up in the hospital and she is going to be okay but Shawn and I just sat there in that waiting room talking about what the heck! How can our lives for the last two years be sooo hard with so many hurdles to jump over and tests that God gives us and how are we ever going to make it. Sure enough he answers back instantly he gives us a glimpse of himself and what is capable of doing and we are so humble by that.
God answers prayers!
He is still holding us close and walking us through this process. Please continue to pray with us that he will continue you walk with us through the process of maybe being able to adopt Carly and for us to have her permanently. THANK YOU SO SO SO much for your prayers and support you guys are very very close to our hearts and we can’t even begin to thank you for how you do for us even if only a prayer!!!
Love you all
First of all I was devastated but I figured you know she has to prove herself for another two months before having her back. I know being sixteen and having to make adult decisions can’t be the easiest I know I would not have been ready at sixteen, so I was kind of happy to see her step up and try.
The thing that I was most concerned about was how she is going to last with full time motherhood. I have only been doing this for three months I am quickly learning what a HUGE job it is being a mom, although I have also quickly learned that I am SOOOO in love with it!!!!
Today, I got a phone call from Carly’s social worker saying that Carly’s mom had run away again. They have no idea where she is and they can only assume that she is back on drugs again.
Now our three months original place of safety is up on October 27th. This is when they will go back to court to take Carly as a permanent ward of Child and Family Services. Once this goes through/ hopefully goes through Shawn and I are able to apply for adoption.
Although instantly we have our hopes up and are running and jumping with joy we still have a LONG road ahead.
BUT GOD SURE DOES ANSWER PRAYERS!!!!!!!!
I am so thankful to all of you who have prayed so hard for us over the last few months and those of you who I know will continually pray for us.
I am continuing to pray that we will be able to adopt her and that I will be able to tell her one day about all the people who prayed for her when she was younger! What a blessing you all have been to us.
Yesterday Shawn’s mom ended up in the hospital and she is going to be okay but Shawn and I just sat there in that waiting room talking about what the heck! How can our lives for the last two years be sooo hard with so many hurdles to jump over and tests that God gives us and how are we ever going to make it. Sure enough he answers back instantly he gives us a glimpse of himself and what is capable of doing and we are so humble by that.
God answers prayers!
He is still holding us close and walking us through this process. Please continue to pray with us that he will continue you walk with us through the process of maybe being able to adopt Carly and for us to have her permanently. THANK YOU SO SO SO much for your prayers and support you guys are very very close to our hearts and we can’t even begin to thank you for how you do for us even if only a prayer!!!
Love you all
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Two Weeks Left
Well our three month term with Carly is winding down. We are not sure what the future holds yet for her. We are still praying that she will be placed with us permanently. Please can you continue to pray.We have been so encouraged by everyone's prayers.
It looks like Carly will probably end up going back with her Birth Mom, if this is the case I hope Carly is safe and does well there.
I am still being selfish and thinking that the best place for her is with us. Something about coming from a two parent home with two income's and the fact that we are completely and utterly in love with this little munchkin makes me think it is for the best.
Anyways that is just a little update. We NEED YOUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWO WEEKS My heart is already breaking but I knew it would come to this, it is what we signed up for but oh man its hard!!!!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers!!!
Will keep you updated.
It looks like Carly will probably end up going back with her Birth Mom, if this is the case I hope Carly is safe and does well there.
I am still being selfish and thinking that the best place for her is with us. Something about coming from a two parent home with two income's and the fact that we are completely and utterly in love with this little munchkin makes me think it is for the best.
Anyways that is just a little update. We NEED YOUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWO WEEKS My heart is already breaking but I knew it would come to this, it is what we signed up for but oh man its hard!!!!
Thank you for your continued support and prayers!!!
Will keep you updated.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
No Faith in the System
I have to say that our world is a sad place.
Most of my posts ends up being mostly about Carly but that's all that is really going on in my life.
How can a service that is set up to protect our children be so harmful on them instead. How is it possible that Child and Family Services can forget about the child we are trying to protect. I am blown away that I can call our Social Worker and I know more information about the case than she does.
I have had visitations cancelled and rescheduled and cancelled and rescheduled all at the convience of the mother of the child who she abandoned in the first place. As far as I am concerned if it was my child that had been taken away and I really truly wanted to get her back I would be bending over backwards to do anything I could to see her whenever I could.
When did the system turn from helping the child in need to helping the parent in question. I realise that they need help the mother too but shouldn't priority # 1 be the 5 month old child who never asked to be brought into this world but was and now is placed smack dab in the middle of a really really shitty situation. (Sorry for the curse but shitty is the only way to describe this situation.)
How can we forget her? Who is the voice for this child.
I am sick to death watching Carly go to visitation after visitation coming home a wreck. She does not eat, sleep, smile or laugh. (If you have met her she is the happiest most content kid in the world otherwise) She sits and stares like a zombie for hours afterwords. She is so confused that she is making herself physically ill.
Where does it all end for her? I can't even begin to imagine what she must feel inside. I know she is only 5 months but I feel like she has more life experience than me.
The REALLY sad part about this is this in only one of thousands of kids who do this everyday and a lot of them know exactly what is going on.
How many times do we need to watch on the news about another case of child abuse or child neglect before our Government will step in and do something about this. My heart breaks for all the innocent children who get dealt a crappy hand at life. How many of them get lost in the shuffle?
God sure has put my faith to the test with this one. There really is nothing that we can do but pray. I pray all day everyday that God will give this little beauty a place where she can finally relax and be herself. I wish I could take this all away from her.
My Heart Hurts for Carly.......what more can we do without Shawn and I looking like the bad guys......
At the end of the day though, I have been blessed more than I could have ever imagined by this little child when she smiles I get a glipse of what heaven will be like
Most of my posts ends up being mostly about Carly but that's all that is really going on in my life.
How can a service that is set up to protect our children be so harmful on them instead. How is it possible that Child and Family Services can forget about the child we are trying to protect. I am blown away that I can call our Social Worker and I know more information about the case than she does.
I have had visitations cancelled and rescheduled and cancelled and rescheduled all at the convience of the mother of the child who she abandoned in the first place. As far as I am concerned if it was my child that had been taken away and I really truly wanted to get her back I would be bending over backwards to do anything I could to see her whenever I could.
When did the system turn from helping the child in need to helping the parent in question. I realise that they need help the mother too but shouldn't priority # 1 be the 5 month old child who never asked to be brought into this world but was and now is placed smack dab in the middle of a really really shitty situation. (Sorry for the curse but shitty is the only way to describe this situation.)
How can we forget her? Who is the voice for this child.
I am sick to death watching Carly go to visitation after visitation coming home a wreck. She does not eat, sleep, smile or laugh. (If you have met her she is the happiest most content kid in the world otherwise) She sits and stares like a zombie for hours afterwords. She is so confused that she is making herself physically ill.
Where does it all end for her? I can't even begin to imagine what she must feel inside. I know she is only 5 months but I feel like she has more life experience than me.
The REALLY sad part about this is this in only one of thousands of kids who do this everyday and a lot of them know exactly what is going on.
How many times do we need to watch on the news about another case of child abuse or child neglect before our Government will step in and do something about this. My heart breaks for all the innocent children who get dealt a crappy hand at life. How many of them get lost in the shuffle?
God sure has put my faith to the test with this one. There really is nothing that we can do but pray. I pray all day everyday that God will give this little beauty a place where she can finally relax and be herself. I wish I could take this all away from her.
My Heart Hurts for Carly.......what more can we do without Shawn and I looking like the bad guys......
At the end of the day though, I have been blessed more than I could have ever imagined by this little child when she smiles I get a glipse of what heaven will be like
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