Last night I probably got only 2 hrs worth of sleep.
This is probably due to the fact that I had a husband who is sick and coughed all night long, a daughter who was not tired AT ALL and who now realizes that she can get out of her bed and come into mommy and daddy's room and tell me that she has to pee (Which while your potty training is actually a wonderful thing) or she wants milk or for me to sing her twinkle or just to tell me that she has Tinkerbell on her bed. Also that I have two cats in a new apartment and that both decided to explore all night long rummaging through things and running around on my bed.
So as I lie awake surrounded by a sick husband, a 22 month old who really only wants to play and two crazy cats I look over at the time and realize it is still only 2:30 in the morning but instead of feeling super grumpy and frustrated I felt blessed.
I am blessed that I am not alone, I am blessed to have Shawn someone to share my life with and who has the ability to forgive and make me laugh like no one else, I am blessed to have Carly who after almost two years of fighting I get to call her my own and I am even blessed to have my cats who Carly loves to bits and for some reason they always know when I am feeling down and need a good snuggle.
Needless to say I can barley keep my eyes open today because I am so freakin tired but I am also feeling very loved and blessed and for that I could not be more thankful!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Over a year...
It has been over a year since my last post. WOW...
Things in the last year have been complete and udder choas in my life. There have been ups and down and even bigger ups and even bigger downs and everything imbetween.
My biggest Up though has been that we are now able to ADOPT Carly!
It is not legally finalized although in my mind it is. What a relief!!!
We just moved in to a bigger apartment this past weekend and painted Carly's room all purple and stuff, my parents bought her a cute little tinkerbell bed (SPOILED) and the other day I just sat at the foot of her bed and watched her sleep for like half an hour. I just thought to myself, This is my little girl, how excited am I that I will still get to watch her sleep when she is like 15 (of course if she ever knew I was doing that at the age of 15 she would probably kill me haha).But YAY I am a mom! Being a MOM is the best feeling in the world.
I have had a super rough year spiritually, maybe more then a year. I often found myself not just avoiding but completley running in the opposite direction from God.
I am not even sure where I am at right now except I know it is getting better. It is hard for me to look back on the person that I used to be sometimes and think of how close I felt to God back then. I know that I cannot work at camp everyday of my life or live in my old youth pastors house and that I need to find God in my own way and have my OWN relationship with him and not piggy back on others, but where do I start after all this time away. Where do I find the WANT to start. I know the dark places that I have been in the last year or so. I know the other areas that I have been searching, But part of me doesn't want to let go. I keep telling myself I am having fun, I can do this on my own, I don't need God or I am hurt by God or by others that follow God but what good has come from it.
I know, I know how horrible do I sound and how selfish do I ALWAYS sound but this is how I feel. I guess the thing that I find comfort in now is no matter how far I run and how hard I try to get away God has always been there and will ALWAYS be there.
If you are the praying type I ask for prayer, prayer for my relationship with God and with my family.
That is where I am with that. I am not even sure what else to say but that is what was on my mind and I feel like I just verbally vomited on the screen but yeah after a year of not blogging this is where I felt like I should start.
That is it, and as Carly would say PEACE OOOUT!!!
Things in the last year have been complete and udder choas in my life. There have been ups and down and even bigger ups and even bigger downs and everything imbetween.
My biggest Up though has been that we are now able to ADOPT Carly!
It is not legally finalized although in my mind it is. What a relief!!!
We just moved in to a bigger apartment this past weekend and painted Carly's room all purple and stuff, my parents bought her a cute little tinkerbell bed (SPOILED) and the other day I just sat at the foot of her bed and watched her sleep for like half an hour. I just thought to myself, This is my little girl, how excited am I that I will still get to watch her sleep when she is like 15 (of course if she ever knew I was doing that at the age of 15 she would probably kill me haha).But YAY I am a mom! Being a MOM is the best feeling in the world.
I have had a super rough year spiritually, maybe more then a year. I often found myself not just avoiding but completley running in the opposite direction from God.
I am not even sure where I am at right now except I know it is getting better. It is hard for me to look back on the person that I used to be sometimes and think of how close I felt to God back then. I know that I cannot work at camp everyday of my life or live in my old youth pastors house and that I need to find God in my own way and have my OWN relationship with him and not piggy back on others, but where do I start after all this time away. Where do I find the WANT to start. I know the dark places that I have been in the last year or so. I know the other areas that I have been searching, But part of me doesn't want to let go. I keep telling myself I am having fun, I can do this on my own, I don't need God or I am hurt by God or by others that follow God but what good has come from it.
I know, I know how horrible do I sound and how selfish do I ALWAYS sound but this is how I feel. I guess the thing that I find comfort in now is no matter how far I run and how hard I try to get away God has always been there and will ALWAYS be there.
If you are the praying type I ask for prayer, prayer for my relationship with God and with my family.
That is where I am with that. I am not even sure what else to say but that is what was on my mind and I feel like I just verbally vomited on the screen but yeah after a year of not blogging this is where I felt like I should start.
That is it, and as Carly would say PEACE OOOUT!!!
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